Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im holly from the hills drunk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
