Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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