We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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