How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
