I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize