I'm pants shitting drunk right now
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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