I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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