check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
