New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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