three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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