You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
