I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
