did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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