I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
