I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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