Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
