All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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