Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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