I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
