Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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