if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
