It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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