yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
