If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
