that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
