Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
