Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
