i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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