I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
