Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you traded sex for a burrito?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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