I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize