he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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