i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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