can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think a kid would responsible me up
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
MIDGETS
????
not ubering you a puppy
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
