i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize