i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
is it fun? or sober?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
