Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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