Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will be naked everywhere
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
