just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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