so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
