apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
