In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
