I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
