I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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