you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize