But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
