you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize