i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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