Plan B is the new Plan A
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
