Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
