I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
