How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Boobs are out for the taking
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
