so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the liver wants what the liver wants
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize