I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
