so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
