Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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