First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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