I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
