hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
