just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
