Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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