Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
