My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
