I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
