So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
