There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
