I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
high people should be assigned attendants
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
