my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
His nipple licking is glorious
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