Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
