If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
