By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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