He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
