i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
