I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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