Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
