Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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