it wasn't lemon gatorade
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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