Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
