i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
