you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
