my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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