cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
