all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
