How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
