i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize