I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
