Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize