my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
