I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
