areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
