You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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