you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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