If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
