Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
