Small penises have feelings too.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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