I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
