If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
