Porn is love you can see.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
