): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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