Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
