Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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