I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
