I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
